I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
