If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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