He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
