just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this will be a night to untag.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
