I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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