someone threw a dead crab at me
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
