I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
