Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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