Hey man sorry I got all grabby
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My bed smells like the plague
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