Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She told me I should be a condom model.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
