are you still at the devil's house?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
