so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
