He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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