He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
