i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
