I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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