i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
