The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
