So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
