He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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