kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
