How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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