I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
