The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
