me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
