After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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