i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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