Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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