Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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