I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
