I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
