Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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