if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there is glitter all over my balls
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
