just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
