sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
