i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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