We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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