There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
