the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
