I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
