one might say we're banned from that church
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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