I must be too annoying 4 u.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
