i think my tv is drunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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