just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
