i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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