I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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