I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
