Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
