I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
