What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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