im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
