I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
