he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
