me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
